And You're Still Here Tomorrow
by yaoihamkitty
Summary: Kuroda decides that he cannot live without Tsukishima and forces him to run, which causes dire consequences for Tsukishima's family back home. Meanwhile Seya realizes his hidden feelings.
1. Chapter 1: An Alternative Suggestion

**A/N:** _This chapter was in the anime, I just needed to set up the scene._

 _I know there aren't many hybrid child fics out there but when I re-read and re-watched it, I can't help but feel desperate to create a happier ending for Kuroda and Tsukishima._

 _This is my first ever fic, so please any reviews and suggestions will be VERY appreciated! I will be improving my writing as I go on so please be patient with me :D_

 _I try to get them to stay in character as much as possible. Enjoy!_

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Hybrid Child, Nakamura sensei does =P_

* * *

 **Chapter 1: An alternative suggestion**

The numerous wounds on his body stung and ached as Kuroda staggered along the familiar road leading to Tsukishima's house, swaying as if he was intoxicated. Halfway through his legs gave way and he fell, retching, trying to catch his breath as blood seeped through the bandages wrapped around his neck. He gritted his teeth and stood up.

 _Tsukishima._

He started down the path again, his feet wobbling, and he could feel several stitches tear open. His mind was still reeling from the sickening conversation and he mustered up every ounce of energy, one step after the next, as fast as he could.

 _Tsukishima!_

Kuroda arrived panting at the front gates and was stopped by the Tsukishima family guards.

"I am Kuroda, I seek an appointment with Tsukishima-dono! Let me through!" He cried desperately.

"Kuroda-dono! Stop! We are not allowed to let anyone in! "

"Move!" Kuroda shouted, fighting to break free from the restraining hands, "I still have things to say to Tsukishima. TSUKISHIMA! TSUKISHIMA!"

"Kuroda-dono, you can't…!"

"Let me through! TSUKISHIMA! TSUKISHIMA!" Kuroda yelled, pushing the men to the ground and stumbling into the courtyard.

The guards let him pass, after all they had known Kuroda ever since he was a little child. The front shoji doors slid open and Tsukishima appeared dressed in white, his long hair neatly pulled into a ponytail, surprise etched all over his face. Kuroda stopped in his tracks and glared at him, his breath in ragged bursts.

There was silence as Tsukishima took in his disheveled appearance. Kuroda was wrapped in bandages, gashes and splotches of blood marred the visible skin not covered by his robes. Although the night air was cold, his face was flushed and he was sweating profusely, his whole body shaking.

Tsukishima took a step towards him. "You look terrible. Is it ok for you to be moving around?"

Kuroda snarled, "HEY! WHAT DO YOU - "

"Stop hollering. It's the middle of the night."

Tsukishima led him inside and slid the doors close behind them. The whole place was bathed in dim candlelight.

"How are your injuries? How is Seya? I heard that he is in serious condition."

Kuroda fought hard to control the emotions welling up inside of him.

"My injuries are nothing. Seya is hurt pretty badly but something is affecting him mentally… He isn't talking. I don't know what he saw on the battlefield, considering that he is far from weak."

"That's worrying. I wish can go visit him."

 _What is he talking about at a time like this?_

Kuroda looked at Tsukishima squarely in the eyes. "So I heard… I heard that you're going to take full responsibility."

Tsukishima let out a weak apologetic laugh. "Ah yeah, please take care of everything after I'm gone." The young man averted his gaze, "I had wished that all three of us would make it through the war. Then we can all go see the cherry blossoms again together." There was a pause and a rueful smile. "But well, you know things in life don't always work out."

Kuroda stood still, he felt a headache forming. He knew, but hearing it directly from Tsukishima made it all too real somehow.

Tsukishima started to pour him tea, his movements unusually calm and graceful. "I am worried about Seya. Please… please make sure Seya is fine and recovers well. You on the other hand, are the type who will never die no matter what happens, so I don't think there is a need for me to worry about you," he chuckled.

 _How can you be telling me these things with that face, and with such a casual manner?_ Kuroda felt a lump in his throat and a strange burning at the back of his eyes. _Don't you know how much this is killing me? Are you really this clueless, after all these years?_

Tsukishima turned to face him, handing him a steaming mug. "What? Why does your face look so scary?"

 _You have no idea how much I love you._

"In the end, you always take the best part and leave, don't you?" Kuroda's hands shook and his heart thumped wildly in his chest.

"Is it that you want to be a hero? You want to go down as a great figure in history? You want to be remembered as the man who committed seppuku to save his daimyo's* life or something? Oh the brave, selfless and honorable samurai Tsukishima?"

 _No._

"Kuroda! How dare you say that to me?!"

"Then don't tell me this shit with that kind of face! Let me tell you something, it is the ones who live that have it harder compared to the ones who go and die!"

 _No. This is not what I wanted to say._

"Kuroda, that's rude! There are things that you might want to say but you shouldn't be saying!"

"It might be all fine for you to die and say sayonara to this world but think about me, who is left behind to clean up after your mess!"

 _No. Tsukishima, I just wanted to see you._

Tsukishima's face was red and he looked livid. "Is this what you came here for? Is this all you have to say to me? If so, then just LEAVE! Get out!"

 _Why do things always turn out this way? Why are we always fighting?!_

"When have I ever wanted to be…?"

Tsukishima's sentence was cut short as Kuroda lunged forward and tackled Tsukishima, both men crashing down on to the tatami mats. He pinned Tsukishima's arms down, heart beating so fast it hurts, adrenaline pumping through his veins.

 _No Tsukishima, this is not what I came here to say. All I wanted to tell you was one thing…_

Kuroda kissed him.

"Kuroda! No, stop – "

Kuroda ignored the protest and forcefully kissed him. Years of uncertain and restrained emotions had burst through the dam and swept over them like a tsunami. When Kuroda broke away from the kiss, Tsukishima was silent, eyes wide, two splotches of pink forming on his cheeks. However there was no more time to be embarrassed, no more time to be beating around the bush. They had foolishly wasted all those years together, and now every millisecond count. It's now or never.

"Do you know that when a person dies, that's it for them? You return back to the Earth, you feel nothing… that's it!"

Kuroda held his grip on Tsukishima's rather frail arms, his skin felt as cool as always.

"It's the people you leave behind in this world that feel the most pain. Even though everything is over physically, there are terrible things like memories that will always remain." Kuroda lowered his head, his hair swinging forward to hide his face. Tsukishima's eyes started to water.

"And frankly, I don't want to have to deal with it. So if you are so set on dying, take all of my memories with you and then go and die!" His voice broke as he shouted the last word. It was getting harder to swallow that lump on his throat. The air between them felt thick and still; he could almost hear Tsukishima's heart thumping as loudly as his own.

Tsukishima scrunched up his face and broke into feverish sobs. "Why are you always fighting with me? Why? Ever since we were little, you've always listened to what Seya says but not me! You've always treated me like an idiot!"

"I know you're going to say you hate me or something, right?! Well, I hate you!" Kuroda shouted, shaking the other man's shoulders.

"Shut up! DON'T SAY IT BEFORE I CAN!" Tsukishima hid his face with his hands. "That's MY line! You're always like this… always!" He continued to cry, his voice muffled and thick. "I hate you, I really hate you. Why? Why someone like you…"

Kuroda was speechless as he listened to Tsukishima's choking, convulsive sobs. He knew now for certain that the other man harbored the same feelings as his; truthfully he had always suspected that but they had both been stupid cowardly idiots.

He slowly reached out and ran his hands through Tsukishima's straight auburn strands; the smaller man stopped crying abruptly in surprise. Kuroda pulled him into a tight embrace.

"Tsukishima," Kuroda kissed his forehead, "That's… enough."

Tsukishima's green eyes flew wide open and he blushed, he could feel Kuroda's damp breath on his cheek. His heart thundered against his ribs.

Kuroda's voice sounded low and husky when he next spoke, "Tsukishima… I love you," he whispered with his eyes shut tight.

 _Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump._ He could hear the blood pounding in his ears and felt Tsukishima's face grow warm. Kuroda clenched his fists and braced himself for what he was about to say next.

"Tsukishima… don't leave me."

Outside, the wind picked up and fallen leaves rustled noisily. The doors slightly rattled in their frames.

Tsukishima froze. "Kuroda, what are you saying?"

He struggled to look at his best friend's face. Kuroda's short and messy ponytail had come loose and dark hair hung in front of his face.

"Just come with me."

"Kuroda... are you asking me to run away with you?"


	2. Chapter 2: It Ain't Optional

**A/N:** _I_ _know this chapter is rather short but I'll try my best to upload the next one sooner!_

 _Disclaimer: I do not own Hybrid Child, Nakamura sensei does =P_

* * *

 **Chapter 2: It Ain't Optional**

Kuroda was silent, his expression was unreadable and face partly obscured by hair.

Tsukishima shook his head slowly and looked away. "Listen, Kuroda, this is my responsibility. I'm the minister of this clan and the commander-in-chief. There is nobody left except me. I think you of all people know that best." He squirmed and struggled against the weight of the man on top of him. "Kuroda, get up."

Said man didn't move an inch.

"Get up please," pleaded Tsukishima.

Kuroda's chest suddenly heaved and Tsukishima felt a warm dampness on the side of his face. His heart skipped a beat and he froze. _Is Kuroda crying?_ He'd never seen Kuroda cry… ever.

"He- hey, what happened to you telling me that I must do my job properly? Remember? You're always on to me about this," Tsukishima chided, smacking the other man's head softly, "You know you should actually be proud of me." Although the young minister's gaze was defiant, it still couldn't betray the nervous tremor in his voice.

The candlelight casted elongated shadows around the room that danced as the flames flicker. A battle raged on inside Kuroda's head. He knew that Tsukishima was right, committing seppuku was for the best. What does it matter if one life was lost, in exchange for the Lord's and many others? Many men had committed seppuku and it was seen as an act of honor, but when it came to Tsukishima… Kuroda felt sick to his stomach.

 _Am I a coward?_ Kuroda thought of giving in to fate and imagined dawn breaking and seeing Tsukishima walk out those doors for the last time. _Can't I just keep breathing and deal with it?_

The daily lives as they knew it would end, the everyday lives they had taken for granted. Sharing meals, going on trips, going fishing, bickering with Tsukishima, teasing Tsukishima, sitting beside Tsukishima, looking into those olive green eyes…

 _I will just keep taking one breath after the other and my life will go on, but I'll never see Tsukishima's face again, or hear his voice._

Kuroda felt droplets clinging to his lashes, threatening to spill at any moment. How he regretted wasting all this time. In a few hours, he would never be able to hold Tsukishima's hand anymore. _Am I ready to continue living in this world without him?_

Kuroda shivered and sat up. Tsukishima stared at him through red-rimmed eyes.

"Tsukishima, I'm sorry but I can't let things end like this."

"Kuroda – "

"No! Just… Just come with me. Please!" Kuroda pleaded, grabbing the other man's wrist.

"Hey you know this is impossible! Our clan has been defeated, what would people think of my family if I just run off? What do you think will happen to them?" Tsukishima shouted in frustration. "I can't come with you, I'm so sorry."

 _But I really can't live without you._ Kuroda gritted his teeth and stood up slowly. "Tsukishima, I'm really sorry for this."

"What are you –?"

Blue-gray orbs met green. There was a strange frenzied glint in his best friend's eyes that Tsukishima had never seen before.

"I'm a selfish bastard. Just please, don't think so badly of me," Kuroda whispered, looking down at the floor. His hands curled into fists and in a flash, he struck Tsukishima on the face.

BAM! Kuroda's fist made contact with the other man's jaw and Tsukishima fell to the ground with a loud thud, completely caught off guard.

"Fuck!" Tsukishima cursed as he tumbled down, however he still managed to remain conscious. Dazed and bewildered, he tried to prop himself up on his hands and knees, wobbling all over the place.

WHAM! Kuroda landed another heavy blow, this time on Tsukishima's left temple. The man finally collapsed and stayed still. Kuroda vomited all over the floor and sank to his knees, trembling and head pounding, no longer controlling the flow of tears streaming down his cheeks.

* * *

 **Notes: The story might be moving rather slowly however I'm trying to make them stay in character, and I think this is a big decision for both of them.**

 **This series is written with the anime ost in mind! Please listen to them while you read if you can =)**

 **Any reviews or suggestions will be very very appreciated!**

 **And a crazy big thank you to The Sirius of Black Daria for the review, it really motivates me! My first review ever! =D ^_^**


	3. Chapter 3: Escape

**A/N:** _I got sucked in reading fanfiction instead of writing them but was pleasantly surprised to see more people reading this fic. I will make sure Kuroda and Tsukishima get a happy ending in this universe._

 _Next update will be much, much sooner. Reviews, suggestions and feedbacks are always appreciated! :D_

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Escape**

 _This is practically a kidnapping._

Kuroda's hands shook as he tightened the knots on the ropes bounding Tsukishima's wrists and ankles. A clean undershirt stuffed into the mouth for good measure, just in case Tsukishima woke up along the way and decided to start screaming.

 _I'm sorry about this Tsukishima_ _,_ Kuroda silently apologized. He wrapped the man in a dark grey blanket and hoisted the body over his shoulder, grateful that Tsukishima wasn't the large muscular type – it would have made the job much more difficult for him.

Slipping out the back door in the kitchen, Kuroda stepped into the garden where a large cherry blossom tree stood, branches swaying and green leaves rustling with the wind.

By the time their troops had retreated back home, spring was almost over; Seya and he had missed hanami season this year. The three of them had spent many springs and summers lying underneath this very canopy, eating biscuits and chatting about everything under the sun. An involuntary wave of sadness surged through him when he realized that there would not be a next time, heck this was probably the last time he would even get to be here. Kuroda wondered if he was just being whimsical but sometimes he wished he could play such happy and carefree moments with his best friends on an endless loop.

The moon was hidden behind stormy clouds that night and it was rather dark when Kuroda crossed the garden. The Tsukishima family estate was surrounded by a low wall about 3 - 4 meters in height, and Kuroda concluded that it would be a feasible plan to get Tsukishima over it. He propped a small ladder against the wall and climbed with difficulty; it was a straining task to prevent Tsukishima from falling out of his grasp.

He started to slowly lift Tsukishima over the top of the wall. Truthfully his wounds were unbearably painful and his ribs gave a sharp ache with each breath but the sheer force of adrenaline kept him going. Carefully, he lowered Tsukishima feet first onto the dirt road outside and arranged for the man to slump gently against the wall.

The raven head decided that it would be best for him to go out the front door and make it look like he had gone home, instead of climbing over the wall. When Kuroda finally hobbled back out the front gates, he kept his gaze trained on the ground; he felt as if his eyes would betray him for the act of mutiny that he had just committed.

"We're sorry Kuroda-dono."

"Have a safe journey home Kuroda-dono."

Kuroda nodded stiffly and lowered his head even further, hair matted against his pale forehead and heart pounding with anxiety. He limped along the path, feeling the guards' eyes on his back and practically sprinted (or staggered, more like) once he turned round the corner. He could see the dark bundle lying still at the sidewalk, it seems that fortunately Tsukishima was still passed out.

Kuroda heaved the slight man once again on his shoulders, feeling his knees wobble under the weight. On a regular day he could carry Tsukishima on his back all the way to the town center but tonight he found his body shaking with every step, sweat drenching his yukata.

His neck throbbed dully, keeping him awake.

Kuroda hobbled home as fast as he could (which luckily was not far as the three of them were practically neighbors) and laid Tsukishima down on his father's wheelbarrow parked outside. He hurried towards the small stable to the right of the front yard and saw that Shino his beloved horse was awake, snorting quietly, his nostrils vibrating.

Kuroda untied him and stroked the beast's chestnut back as he steered him gently out of the stable, knowing that Shino was impatient and ready to go. Kuroda harnessed him up and hitched him to the wheelbarrow with practiced ease, before rushing indoors for provisions. He packed some clothing, blankets, a few weapons and the little bit of food, water and money left in the house. Back outside the house, a mild breeze raked past and he quickly wrapped a dark cloak around himself, before mounting his horse. Kuroda hoped it wouldn't rain tonight. Taking a deep reassuring breath, he led them westward, towards the mountains.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

* * *

Sometime an hour or so into the journey Tsukishima had woken up, Kuroda could hear muffled yells coming from the dark bundle thrashing on the wheelbarrow behind him.

His first instinct was to uncover his friend and offer him water however he decided against it. A screaming Tsukishima in the dead of night would surely ruin his plans. The fact that daybreak was only a few hours away also prompted him to keep moving, trying to put as much distance between them and the village as possible.

He could only hope that Tsukishima wouldn't die of thirst during the journey.

The man sprawled across the wheelbarrow eventually gave up or fell back asleep after an hour of flailing around and Kuroda apologized wordlessly over and over. Fear and guilt had been eating him alive and more than once he had wondered if he should turn back before it was too late; nevertheless with each step Shino took, the more bolstered Kuroda was to stick to his decision.

 _It's too late to turn back now anyway_.

The first amber rays of sunlight had begun to reflect upon the horizon behind them, tinting the sky in a beautiful wash of pink and orange. Yet Kuroda couldn't bring himself to enjoy the view, what with his back facing the sunrise and also the fact that the small procession was heading deeper into the forest, the canopy overhead getting too dense to allow much sunlight through. A sliver of sky here and there but that was all.

 _The ritual would have started right around now_ , he realized with a jolt and his belly clenched from a strange combination of fear and relief. Kuroda looked back at Tsukishima's sleeping face (he had uncovered the man's face from under the blanket to let him breathe easier, albeit still with an undershirt stuffed in his mouth) and watched the strand of hair near his nose flutter at steady intervals.

 _He's still breathing and that's all that matters_. He has made the right decision.

They were reaching the base of the mountain range and Shino was moving slower, visibly tired. Kuroda himself was on the brink of collapse; there was a hammering in his head and his body felt unbearably warm, although chilly pinpricks invaded every inch of his skin. The dull pain coursing through his body, the irritating buzzing of mosquitoes and chirping of crickets were the only things that prevented him from falling asleep on his horse. His neck had just given him a particularly nasty throb when he heard a creek bubble in the near distance.

Spotting a rather wide crevice in between the large boulders, Kuroda halted Shino to a stop and clambered off; they would rest here for a few hours. His knees folded as he landed on the ground, joints popping and aching stiffly from underuse… his back and tailbone were also killing him. The area was covered by overgrown bushes and he liked the privacy it offered, as well as having a water source close by.

After securing Shino onto a tree (the horse started eating the abundant grass around his hooves), Kuroda picked Tsukishima up and carried him bridal style into the dark opening in the mountain wall, trying not to jostle the man too much. He placed him on a soft patch of grass and gently pried the undershirt out of Tsukishima's mouth before cutting the ropes binding him loose. He then left a gourd canteen filled with water beside the brunette's sleeping form.

"I'm sorry Tsukishima," Kuroda uttered out loud, his forefinger tracing an invisible line on the other man's cheek and watched Tsukishima's lashes quiver in his sleep. Before he could reach for the gourd for a sip of water, he felt sleep overtake him the moment he laid his body on the ground, his consciousness ebbing away and faded into darkness.


	4. Chapter 4: Inner Demons

**A/N: A longer chapter update this time, to make up for taking ages to cough this one up**

 **Thank you so so much for the reviews: The Lord of Insomnia, The Sirius of Black Daria, Derpywerpy and Guest-san hehe, I truly appreciate it! I am also trying to improve on my writing so please bear with me, I hope you enjoy this :D**

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Inner Demons**

The sun had barely peeked out of the horizon when it found the village already abuzz with activity. Nearly everyone was discussing the events that had transpired the night before, with the exception of Ichi Seya, who was laying still on his futon, staring at the wall with his back to the door. He hadn't left his room for two days now. Contrary to what others think, Seya had not been able to catch a wink of sleep all this time. How could he, when every time his eyes slid shut, a scene of carnage greeted him beneath his eyelids?

Mutilated limbs lay strewn detached from their owners, literal streams of blood pooled beneath his feet and heavy smoke and ashes billowed out of houses set ablaze, irritating his eyes and lungs. The tortured cries and groans of dying men, women and children filled his ears from every direction.

He had held the hands of one of his men, an enthusiastic new recruit on his first mission, who was now struggling to keep his eyes open. He sobbed for his mother and Seya could hear sickening gurgles coming from his chest with each shallow breath. Seya had desperately wanted to stay and comfort the young teenager until the end but how could he, when so many more of his men were suffering, dying and needed a hand to hold just as much?

It had taken all of his willpower to not puke his guts out on his shoes. He had a few remaining men standing, and he was still their commander after all. Even as he passed grieving families weeping over bodies of their loved ones, huddled in front of their charred homes, he kept his spine straight all the way back to their village as a final display of fortitude.

 _Casualties of war. It happens,_ Seya had told himself.

He felt sick of his own attempts at apathy. All those innocent civilians caught in the middle of their crossfire.

 _But we are victims too_ , a voice tried to reason in his head. The Tokugawa shogunate had collapsed and abandoned their clan. They were betrayed and left to fend for themselves without assistance, branded as traitors.

 _Still, doesn't justify what you've done_ , another voice reminded him.

From under the covers, Seya could hear a commotion brewing outside but he felt too numb to bring himself to care. He was still not ready to _feel_. He burrowed deeper into the futon, closing his eyes and willing himself to sleep.

That is until someone passed close enough beside his window for him to hear a woman say, "Is it true that minister Tsukishima ran away?"

With that Seya stiffened and his eyes snapped open.

"I have never pegged him for an irresponsible person. He might be young but I think he values honor above his life."

"What's going to happen to us now? All the other young ministers are dead."

"I heard the retired senior ministers have offered to take his place."

An audible gasp. "Oh my goodness."

A man harrumphed loudly. "Minister Tsukishima is a complete disgrace. The whole extended family should be exiled and stripped out of all title and land."

"Eh, isn't that a bit harsh? I have always thought that he was merely at the wrong place and time. He was only very recently appointed after all."

"But to drag other families into it – it's highly dishonorable," said man argued. Seya heard several faint hums of agreement.

"Oh and I hear Kuroda has also disappeared…?"

"Don't be silly, Kuroda has just returned from the battlefield! He's heavily wounded, I expect him to be on bed rest."

"As a minister and commander-in-chief you should be prepared for seppuku. If you are not then you shouldn't be one. What a coward."

Seya threw the covers off and sat up, head spinning from the sudden motion. The group had walked too far for him to catch snippets of their conversation any longer but he had heard enough. He didn't know what to be surprised at: the fact that Tsukishima had agreed to commit seppuku and then shirked his responsibilities, or the fact that the retired ministers now had to gut themselves.

He exhaled the breath that he didn't realize he'd been holding and jumped to his feet. Steadying himself on the wall with one hand, Seya tried to ignore his trembling legs and the aching wounds. _Had his friends really left the clan?_ He knew that Kuroda would definitely not be on bed rest with the predicament Tsukishima was in.

He found some of the elders in the household sitting with somber faces outside his room and they looked up at him in surprise when he burst out the door. Seya's brown hair was untied and hung loosely around his face, eyes wild, skin swathed in bandages, and his usually serene and gentle expression looked stricken and unnaturally gaunt.

"Where's Tsukishima? Where's Kuroda?" he demanded in a raspy voice.

There was a brief moment of silence as they glanced at each other with guilty looks on their faces before speaking up.

"Seya, we don't know, nobody has seen them – "

"Why didn't anyone tell me ANYTHING?!" he bellowed, harshly cutting them off. He limped towards his slippers before going out the front door and slamming it shut, the wooden frames rattling in its wake.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

* * *

 _It was a bright sunny day outside and Tsukishima was sitting in his porch, still dressed in his white yukata, inking the washi paper with a few short careful brushstrokes. Draining his sake cup, he read through his composition with a rather stoic appearance, however Kuroda did not miss how the slim fingers gripping the brush are slightly trembling. Seemingly satisfied, he placed the brush and the sake cup on the tatami mat beside him, set the paper down for the ink to dry, and picked up the wooden platform he had been using as a table, before slipping it under his knees._

 _The Kaishakunin standing behind him wrapped a hand around the hilt of his sword and unsheathed it silently from its scabbard. As he raised it above his head, Kuroda could see the metal blade glinting in the sunlight. Kuroda's stomach churned and he could feel the bile rise up his throat; he clenched his sweaty hands._

 _Meanwhile on the floor Tsukishima undid his yukata quietly, eyes closed, revealing smooth pale skin that Kuroda had just kissed and caressed just a few hours before. He could even still see some of the bruises he had left along the expanse of those collarbones, that chest; purple blossoms blooming on creamy skin. It all seemed so surreal._

 _A quivering hand slowly stretched out towards the knife lying on the mat, and as soon as those fingers grasped the handle, the Kaishakunin swung his blade down without warning in one swift motion. Tsukishima fell face first on to the floor._

 _Except everything went wrong. Tsukishima started screaming and writhing on the ground, blood spurting out of his neck onto the straw colored mat. Apparently it had not been a clean cut. Kuroda watched in horror as the Kaishakunin brought down his sword again and again, frantically trying to end his suffering, yet Tsukishima continued to struggle in pain, his hands gripping tightly around his neck. Blood splattered the walls and the white fabric pooled around his waist was quickly drenched in red._

 _Kuroda felt warm flecks of blood hit his face before he finally found his voice._

" _WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" he yelled and tried to leap to his feet but his body remained strangely frozen in place, as though he had been petrified and can only watch the gruesome scene unfold before him. No matter how many times Tsukishima was struck he remained conscious; blood gushed out of the laceration in steady streams, and tear tracks glistened on his contorted blood-speckled face._

 _The room was gradually dripping in a horrifying amount of blood, yet Kuroda couldn't take his eyes away from Tsukishima's shuddering form. His heart was beating a mile a minute and feeding to the incessant pounding in his head. His best friend was choking quietly by now, green eyes wide open reflecting the blue sky above and clinging on to the last vestiges of life._

 _The sunlight shimmered on long silky auburn strands splayed on the porch and Kuroda just sat there and watched, as a crimson rivulet slowly trickled to where he was sitting, staining the edges of his robes a deep scarlet._

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

* * *

Kuroda awoke with a start, weeping, as he mourned Tsukishima's passing, and the tears mingled with the sweat on his neck. Nevertheless soon enough, memories of the previous night caught up to him in a rush and he rapidly realized that all of that crazy stuff was just a horrible and extremely realistic dream. Taking in deep shuddering breaths, he felt relief sweep over him inwaves _\- it was just a dream_.

Kuroda stretched his tight limbs, feeling the joints pop and ran a quick assessment of his body. The ground felt hard underneath his back, his throat was as dry as sandpaper and his wounds were still throbbing and stinging away. The small cavern had gotten rather dark and judging from the warm quality of light he could see outside, the sun had begun to set. He turned sideways to check on Tsukishima, and a feeling of indescribable panic bubbled over him when Kuroda realized that he was all alone - the space beside him was empty. He shot to his feet and hobbled outside, looking around frantically. _Tsukishima wouldn't have left him, would he?_

"Tsukishima! Tsukishima! Tsukishima!" Kuroda called out hurriedly, crashing through the undergrowth at no specific direction like a madman. All he could hear in response were the chirping of cicadas and leaves rustling in the breeze overhead.

"TSUKISHIMAAA!" he hollered again, spinning around on the spot.

"What?" A quiet voice suddenly answered from behind him.

Kuroda spun around so fast he almost fell. "Tsukishima?" He looked around wildly.

He spotted the brunette in question leaning against a tree, arms crossed in front of his chest, watching Shino drink water from a bowl that came out of nowhere. His robes were smudged with dirt at the hems and he had a tired angry look on his face.

"You forgot to leave water for Shino," said Tsukishima quietly, keeping his eyes trained on the horse.

"Oh right."

Kuroda bit his lip and slowly made his way over to the other man, dried leaves crunching noisily under his feet. _Tsukishima had stayed._ _There's a chance that things might not be so bad, right?_

Nevertheless he could sense the obvious tension radiating off the motionless figure in front of him and soon enough, the smaller man exhaled sharply through his nose, before turning his head to face him, locking their eyes together.

"What have you done?"

His tone was accusatory and restrained with quiet anger. Kuroda stopped in his tracks and opened his mouth as if to say something; a million things ran through his mind, however he found himself rather speechless. He closed his mouth shut, his teeth clacking together.

"Did you think about my mother at all?" Tsukishima asked again, betrayal etched on his face.

The raven head looked down to his feet, fists curled loosely on his sides and remained silent, not trusting himself to speak. He had always prided himself as a level-headed man driven by logic and reason, especially as a military commander and a science enthusiast. He understood where Tsukishima was coming from; this decision he had made to kidnap his friend had defied all rational thinking. But still…

"I'm sorry. I'll go in your stead," he finally said. "You can take Shino and I'll run back now, I should be able to meet someone along the way who can offer me a ride." Kuroda looked into Tsukishima's bewildered green eyes and cautioned, "Just promise me you'll stay clear off the big cities and lay low, I'll handle the rest back home."

Tsukishima gaped at him. "Are you stupid? You're going to take responsibility? Do you think your death will be enough to appease them, especially after all this?" he gestured wildly.

"I'll fix it on my own," Kuroda insisted.

"No you idiot! Just let me go back there by myself and I'll take care of this. This is an order, and I'm taking Shino." Tsukishima glared at him, mouth set in a firm line, intent on having the last word. As angry as he was at Kuroda, he only wished for the man to remain alive and safe.

They stared at each other for a brief moment before Kuroda made his way over, closing the distance between them. He gingerly reached out to take Tsukishima's hands and gripped it tightly with his larger ones. The latter's hands twitched once and his eyes widened but otherwise he stood his ground, eyeing the other warily.

"Wh- what do you want?"

"If you insist on going back, I won't fight you. But please allow me one last thing," Kuroda replied softly, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply before opening them again. "Let me go back with you."

His grey orbs burned with such intense sincerity Tsukishima felt his breath hitch in his throat. "There is no reason for me to stay alive if you're gone. Even the clan is no more and Tokugawa has fallen. I have no family left except for you, Tsukishima," Kuroda continued with a low voice.

Their proximity had brought forth unbidden memories of the kiss they had shared the previous night to the front of Tsukishima's mind, and despite the seriousness of the situation he felt his cheeks heat up. They were standing so close together that Tsukishima could detect Kuroda's scent and body heat on his skin, and a fierce shiver ran down his spine. He tried to wring his hands out of the man's grasp - but to no avail.

"You're being absurd, this is completely unnecessary," he protested, perhaps louder than necessary, hoping that it would drown out the forceful thumping of his heart. "You have your whole life ahead of you. Do you get that this is about you dying for no reason at all?" Tsukishima admonished, glowering up at him and at the same time trying to push the man further away – being too close to Kuroda was sending his nerves into overdrive.

The raven head's brows creased in disbelief and a short breathless laugh escaped his lips. "Yeah of course I'm aware of that, I know how serious this is. Do you think I would've brought you here if I didn't understand the implications? If I wasn't prepared to die with you – to die _for_ you?"

At those words Tsukishima felt the blush deepen and spread across his face, the pounding in his chest becoming almost unbearable as he clenched his fists nervously, unable to tear his gaze away from those familiar eyes.

"But what about Seya– oof! "

The clammy palms holding him suddenly jerked him forward, pulling his chest flat against Kuroda's. An intense flush had decorated the older man's cheeks and he leaned forward, capturing Tsukishima's mouth in a tender kiss. It was chaste and short-lived, but Kuroda's lips felt searing hot against his and it left behind a pleasant tingle, like a buzz of electricity. Kuroda kept a firm grip on his wrists, keeping him close, and Tsukishima wondered if the man could feel the blood pulsing erratically in his veins underneath those calloused fingertips. The brunette suppressed a shudder and looked away; the yukata he was wearing suddenly felt too warm and constricting.

"Tsukishima, I had a dream earlier that you went ahead with the seppuku and died this morning," Kuroda began hoarsely, finally releasing their hands and running his fingers through the dark unkempt hair. He shut his eyes and buried his face in his hands before continuing, his voice muffled, "I know that it's just a dream, but honestly it felt so real."

Lifting his head back up, there was an uncharacteristically open expression displayed across his features that reminded Tsukishima of a much younger Kuroda. "I felt so crushed, and… and really, it's like a big part of me died along," he muttered, looking away, the tips of his ears turning red. Warmth spread across Tsukishima's own face and neck, and he felt frozen into place, unable to look away. He still found it strange to see _Kuroda_ so bashful and… _gentle_.

Kuroda rubbed his palm on his forehead, the flush on his face still apparent. "Any shred of doubt I had disappeared in an instant, and I knew that I'd made the right decision. And if you leave this world Tsukishima, l will follow you," he vowed. Brushing the hair out of Tsukishima's eyes, Kuroda added wryly, "Plus if you're worried about Seya, that's all the more reason for you to stay alive, don't you think? How would you ever see him again otherwise?"

Tsukishima bit his lip and turned away, at a loss for words. An owl hooted twice in the distance, breaking the momentary hush and Shino snorted softly in response, hooves pawing the ground. It was getting dark and the last rays of sunlight were struggling to reach the forest ground; they would need to start a fire soon. After a long stretch of silence, Tsukishima finally spoke, and it was at a nearly inaudible whisper.

"I don't want you to die."

"I don't want you to die either," Kuroda echoed, without missing a beat. "Funny how you used to always tell me to go and die eh Tsukishima?" he chuckled softly. "And who knows maybe all three of us will be together again, wouldn't that be great? Seya and I missed hanami season this year after all," he added, lips twisted in a wistful smile. He leaned against a tree trunk and slid down to sit at the jutting roots, shutting his eyelids. He was quivering, eyes watering, and his complexion was awfully flushed; Kuroda felt light headed, like he was about to pass out.

Tsukishima took notice and was hovering over him in an instant. "Kuroda? Are you alright?" he questioned, pressing a cool palm against his forehead and neck. His eyes widened, "Kuroda, you're burning up."

"Maybe we can get those chick buns that you like," the taller man mumbled, as Tsukishima hoisted him to his feet and started to guide him slowly back towards the cavern.

"Yeah, let's."

Tears stung Tsukishima's eyes when he thought of how Kuroda had always made sure to stock the confectionery at his place. This man once caught a terrible cold because he waited out in the pouring rain just to get Tsukishima those damn buns – _what an idiot_ , Tsukishima thought _, but yet so, so endearing_.

It wasn't until a while later after Kuroda was tightly cocooned in blankets and a small fire crackled outside the cave that Tsukishima broke down and wept, for his mother, and the home he left behind. Knowing her pride and honor, he knew that she would be gone by daybreak, never to witness another sunrise again.


End file.
